Anyone else wonder if you are truly going to “make it”?
Starting a new career in my 40′s is not only strange, not planned, but also a bit frightening. That’s why I wrote that last blog called, “A Future Unknown”.
I’m nearing the end of my real estate classes. I’m on “Closings” right now. All I see are charts and numbers and no words. I’m a words kind of person. Numbers are the most boring thing ever invented on the planet, yet I know they are crucial, especially for the line of work I’m going into.
Why didn’t I go to medical school like my sister? I seriously considered it and I know, without question, I would have made an excellent doctor. Why not law school like my brother, where I was actually headed before I met a woman who worked for the Minneapolis Police, which then changed the whole course of my life…
I have a new doctor who is the exact same age as me. When I first met her a couple months ago, the whole room lit up when she walked in with her great presence and energy. She was phenomenal. She was so phenomenal, I asked her out. I was scared to, of course, not knowing what she would say, but she was so great, I had to seize the opportunity. She could either say yes or no and I am an all or nothing type of person. She told me she was very flattered but she only dated men. Of course I was crushed. However, that whole asking my doctor out thing was so “scary” that I will never do it again. She was worth it though. That’s for sure.
I’m looking for a quality partner who, like me, wants to change lives for the better. I’d also love a partner who is willing to lovingly correct me when I’m wrong or sound critical or whatever the issue is. I would appreciate someone who helps make me a better person. God knows I need improvement in so many areas, but I am willing to change. I want to be a better person, not just for her, but for everyone.
Sometimes it feels like I’m living outside the world, looking in at the rest of you. I have never ever really felt like I belonged. Not ever. Not sure why, but that’s the way I’ve always felt. This is not a good feeling, by the way.
I have a couple good friends who I’m very thankful for, but sometimes I don’t even want to see them. I’d just rather be alone.
I said this before, but I really, really want to meet someone special in my life to fall in love with, to buy a new home with, and to grow with. Not to grow old with, but to grow with. I want us to enrich each other’s lives and to compliment each other, rather than stifle. I know many couples stifle each other. To me, that is the same as being in prison. We should never smother each other, but rather allow each other to be the unique individuals God created us to be. I know that’s not always easy, but we should try to adapt and adjust rather than work so hard to change our partner to make life easier for us. True?
I have never been in love. I have loved, but never been in love. I know God and Jesus love me, but I’m not even sure what that means yet.
I am striving towards this “goal” of becoming a real estate broker not because it is my heart’s desire, but because I think it would be a good fit for my personality. I won’t have to be in an office from 8 to 5 all day long with someone breathing down my neck, I won’t have anyone controlling me, I can drive around and experience freedom throughout the day, I will be helping people achieve happiness by either helping them buy or sell their home, and I can work from home if I so choose. No controlling. Do not try to control me. That would be like trying to hold back the tide.
I was made for another purpose. I was made to stop the abuse, to stop the bully, to put an end to any injustice I saw. That is why God built me. I don’t understand what has happened in my life, but I do not ask God to put me in a certain field. Instead, I trust him so much, I tell him my life is his, I dedicate it to him, and I know that whatever he has for me, it will be much, much better than anything I can imagine. And I have a pretty good imagination.
So I will remain faithful in my studies and I will see this real estate schooling though until the end-and I am almost finished.
Apart from God, I can do nothing, but with him, all things are possible. I want justice and redemption and I especially want my reputation restored.
But in the meantime, I will do as I feel he is directing me to do. And I will do it to the very best of my abilities.
May God be with all of you and may you allow him to lead and guide you on the right path he has destined for your lives, just as he has destined for mine.